Want, need and must

You are at the counter in เซเว่น (see-wên) and the cashier says รับถุงไหมครับ (ráp thǔng mǎi khráp), do you want a bag. You do not. The word that comes out of most foreigners' mouths is ไม่ (mâi) on its own, which lands somewhere between a grunt and a refusal, or ไม่เอา (mâi ao) said flat and fast, which is not wrong but comes out harder than intended when the ครับ or ค่ะ gets dropped. The answer Thai people actually give is ไม่ต้องครับ (mâi dtâwng khráp). It means there is no need, and it is one of the most useful two words you will learn this year. Getting there means sorting out the whole family: อยาก, ต้องการ, เอา, ต้อง, ควร and ไม่ต้อง. Start with อยาก (yàak), want to. The rule that catches everyone is that อยาก must be followed by a verb. อยากกิน (yàak gin) want to eat, อยากไป (yàak bpai) want to go, อยากรู้ (yàak rúu) want to know, อยากลอง (yàak lawng) want to try. What you cannot say is อยาก plus a noun. อยากกาแฟ is not Thai. English lets you want a coffee and want to drink a coffee with the same verb, and Thai does not. You may also hear อยากจะ (yàak jà) with จะ inserted before the verb. It is optional and slightly softer, closer to would like to than want to. When the thing you want is an object rather than an action, you need อยากได้ (yàak dâi), literally want to get. อยากได้อันนี้ (yàak dâi an-níi) I want this one. อยากได้ห้องเงียบ ๆ (yàak dâi hâwng ngîiap ngîiap) I'd like a quiet room. There is a third shape worth learning early: อยากให้ (yàak hâi) plus a person plus a verb, for wanting somebody else to do something. อยากให้คุณช่วย (yàak hâi khun chûay) I want you to help. Between อยาก, อยากได้ and อยากให้ you can express almost any wish you have in a day. ต้องการ (dtâwng-gaan) is the formal cousin. Textbooks translate it as to want, which misleads people into using it in noodle shops, where it sounds like you are reading from a form. Think of it as to require. It is the word on signs (ต้องการพนักงาน dtâwng-gaan phá-nák-ngaan, staff wanted), on paperwork, in bank branches, in hospital admin offices and at immigration windows. It takes either a noun or a verb, so ต้องการใบเสร็จ (dtâwng-gaan bai-sèt) I need a receipt and ต้องการเปิดบัญชี (dtâwng-gaan bpòet ban-chii) I wish to open an account are both correct. Its partner on the same forms is สามารถ (sǎa-mâat), the formal can, always in the frame สามารถ ... ได้: สามารถยื่นออนไลน์ได้ (sǎa-mâat yêun awn-lai dâi) may be submitted online. Nobody says สามารถ over a bowl of noodles, but you will read it on every immigration and bank notice, and it is simply the written version of the ได้ you already use in speech. Use ต้องการ when the setting is official and you want to be taken seriously, and use อยาก everywhere else. เอา (ao) is the one that feels rude and is not. Its core meaning is to take, and Thai speakers use it constantly for choosing things: เอาอันนี้ (ao an-níi) I'll have this one, เอาสองที่ (ao sǎwng thîi) two portions, เอากลับบ้าน (ao glàp bâan) take it home, meaning takeaway. To an English ear the bare imperative sounds like I want that, now, but in Thai the politeness is not carried by the verb, it is carried by ครับ (khráp) or ค่ะ (khâ) at the end and by your face. Say เอาอันนี้ครับ and you are perfectly polite. If you still feel uneasy, ขอ (khǎw) is the gentler option for small requests: ขอถุงหน่อยครับ (khǎw thǔng nàwy khráp) could I have a bag please. The one place to be careful is asking a person for something valuable or asking a superior, where ขอ is safer than เอา. ต้อง (dtâwng) is must, and it is straightforward: ต้อง plus verb. ต้องไป (dtâwng bpai) have to go, ต้องรีบ (dtâwng rîip) have to hurry, ต้องกินยา (dtâwng gin yaa) have to take medicine. For a heavier, more official necessity, จำเป็นต้อง (jam-bpen dtâwng) means it is necessary to. ต้อง has a second life that is easy to miss: like English must, it also expresses a confident guess. เขาต้องรู้อยู่แล้ว (khǎo dtâwng rúu yùu láew) means he must already know, not he is obliged to know. Usually the situation makes it obvious, and the guess reading almost always carries a supporting word such as อยู่แล้ว (yùu láew) already or แน่ ๆ (nâe nâe) surely. Without one of those, a sentence like เขาต้องไปพรุ่งนี้ can be read either way, and Thai speakers will add something to settle it rather than leave it hanging. ควร (khuuan) is should, in the sense of advice or what is proper. ควรไปหาหมอ (khuuan bpai hǎa mǎw) you should see a doctor. ควรจะ (khuuan jà) is a common softer variant. ไม่ควร (mâi khuuan) means should not, and it is the ordinary way to advise against something without forbidding it. A related expression is น่าจะ (nâa jà), which sits between should and probably: น่าจะดีกว่า (nâa jà dii gwàa) that would probably be better. The commonest form of all in ordinary speech is ...ดีกว่า (dii gwàa), literally that would be better: ไปหาหมอดีกว่าครับ (bpai hǎa mǎw dii gwàa khráp) you'd be better off seeing a doctor, กินข้าวก่อนดีกว่า (gin khâao gàwn dii gwàa) let's eat first. It gives the same advice as ควร without positioning you above the person you are talking to, which is why you will hear it far more often. Thai people use ควร less freely than English speakers use should, because telling an adult what they should do can sound like criticism, so soften it with นะครับ or นะคะ or turn it into a question. Now the important one. ไม่ต้อง (mâi dtâwng) is not the negative of must in the English sense. It negates the necessity, not the action. It means there is no need, you don't have to, don't bother. ไม่ต้องทอน (mâi dtâwng thawn) keep the change. ไม่ต้องใส่น้ำแข็ง (mâi dtâwng sài nám-khǎeng) no ice needed. ไม่ต้องรอผม (mâi dtâwng raw phǒm) don't wait for me. On its own, ไม่ต้องครับ is the standard, friendly way to decline anything offered to you: a bag, a straw, a receipt, help carrying something, a second beer. To make it unmistakably friendly, add หรอก (ràwk): ไม่ต้องหรอกครับ (mâi dtâwng ràwk khráp) is the warm version, the one you want when somebody offers to carry your bag or help you find something. ไม่เป็นไรครับ (mâi bpen rai khráp) does the same job from a different angle, it's fine, don't worry about it, and the two are often said together: ไม่ต้องหรอกครับ ไม่เป็นไรครับ. If you genuinely mean must not, you need a different word. ห้าม (hâam) is prohibited and is what you see on every sign in the country: ห้ามจอด (hâam jàwt) no parking, ห้ามสูบบุหรี่ (hâam sùup bù-rìi) no smoking. The other half of sign Thai is the polite imperative: กรุณา (gà-rú-naa) and the more formal โปรด (bpròot), both meaning please do this. กรุณาถอดรองเท้า (gà-rú-naa thàwt rawng-tháo) please remove your shoes, กรุณากดกริ่ง (gà-rú-naa gòt gring) please ring the bell. Where English uses one word please for both requesting and instructing, Thai keeps ขอ for what you ask of a person and กรุณา for what a notice asks of you. อย่า (yàa) is the spoken don't, used between people: อย่าลืม (yàa leum) don't forget. And ต้องไม่ (dtâwng mâi), must not, exists but is stiff and mostly written, used in rules and contracts. Saying ไม่ต้องกินยา to a patient means there is no need to take the medicine, which is close to the opposite of what a doctor forbidding it would say. Put the negatives side by side, because they do not pattern the way English does. ไม่อยาก (mâi yàak) I don't want to. ไม่อยากได้ (mâi yàak dâi) I don't want it. ไม่ต้องการ (mâi dtâwng-gaan) I do not require it, formal and a little cold, which is why it can also sound like a firm refusal. ไม่เอา (mâi ao) I won't take it, blunt but normal with ครับ attached. ไม่ต้อง (mâi dtâwng) no need. ไม่ควร (mâi khuuan) shouldn't. ห้าม (hâam) mustn't. The first four of those are counter language, said to a cashier or a waiter. ไม่ควร is advice you give someone. ห้าม you mostly read rather than say. Turn all of these into questions by putting ไหม (mǎi, commonly pronounced mái in ordinary speech) at the end: เอาไหมครับ (ao mǎi khráp) do you want it, ต้องไปไหมครับ (dtâwng bpai mǎi khráp) do I have to go, ควรจองไหมครับ (khuuan jawng mǎi khráp) should I book. And when you want permission rather than obligation, use ได้ไหม (dâi mǎi) after the verb: จ่ายด้วยบัตรได้ไหมครับ (jàai dûay bàt dâi mǎi khráp) can I pay by card. Keep the ด้วย in, because จ่ายบัตร on its own reads as paying off a card bill rather than paying with a card. The answer comes back as ได้ครับ or ไม่ได้ครับ, and ...ไม่ได้ tacked onto a verb is the everyday way Thai says you cannot or it is not allowed: จอดตรงนี้ไม่ได้ครับ (jàwt dtrong-níi mâi dâi khráp) you can't park here, จ่ายด้วยบัตรไม่ได้ครับ (jàai dûay bàt mâi dâi khráp) card doesn't work here. Note that ได้ covers both ability and permission, so พูดไทยได้ไหม (phûut thai dâi mǎi) can mean can you speak Thai and can I speak Thai; the situation, not the grammar, tells you which. Thai has no general word for yes and no, so you answer a ไหม question by repeating the verb, or repeating it with ไม่ in front. เอาไหมครับ is answered เอาครับ (ao khráp) or ไม่เอาครับ (mâi ao khráp). ต้องไปไหมครับ is answered ต้องครับ or ไม่ต้องครับ. ควรจองไหมครับ is answered ควรครับ or ไม่ควรครับ. จ่ายด้วยบัตรได้ไหมครับ is answered ได้ครับ (dâi khráp) or ไม่ได้ครับ (mâi dâi khráp). This is why ไม่ต้องครับ works on its own at the counter: it is not a fragment, it is the complete Thai answer to a question that contained ต้อง, or to an offer that implied it. It also explains the cashier at the start. She asked รับถุงไหมครับ with the verb รับ (ráp), so the tightest answer is the echo, ไม่รับครับ (mâi ráp khráp), and ไม่ต้องครับ and ไม่เอาครับ are both heard and both fine. Obligation, wish and permission are three separate machines in Thai. Once you stop routing all of them through the English word want, you will start choosing between them without translating, which is the point at which people stop switching to English on you.